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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
"The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore.

"Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. 'Guess what I got? Guess what I got?'

"You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can't subsitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you're looking for, no matter how much of them you have."

Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom

1:50 AM



Sunday, February 20, 2005
she sat in the midst of the crowded interchange. book in her hands; earphones in her ears. she was merely waiting for time to pass. she was absorbed in the book she held with her hands; and the music reverberated in her head, over and over again. she could practically recite the lyrics to all the songs. it only goes show how much she loved the particular CD which was playing. people rushed for buses; people alighted from them. there she sat, lost in her own world, oblivious to her surroundings. it took a while before she became conscious of what she was doing. she realised with a start, for the first time, how she was unwittingly not bothered by all that was happening around her. ah, if only she could be as oblivious to other things in life like she is now.


mental note to self: watch A Very Long Engagement, Lemony Snicket's, and Closer (even if i have to do it alone).

8:54 PM



Saturday, February 19, 2005
SAJC Campus Rumpus today. we got there around 1215 and left at 1345. pretty alright..just kinda small compared to ACJC Fun-O-Rama (TSH mentioned something about this) and of course Fiesta@Fairfield. it was really packed and the place was kinda small. the weather was terrible as usual. practically died in my jeans. gah. but at least i saw daniel (koh) and some other familiar faces. and someone i didnt expect to see. urgh. it was so nice seeing daniel again. the last time i saw him was probably during the Graduation service last August or something. i think. still looking as thin as ever, Asst Head Librarian. :)

ate at Coffee Bean. Caesar Salad was lovely. finally got to eat it after months of craving. walked around and wenjia went to meet christabel and yen ping, while me and guohao left after a while to meet elena. went to Cafe Cartel for dinner, and we wasted quite a bit of food. my waffle was half eaten, and elena's pasta looked practically untouched. guohao ate everything 'cept the garnishes. potato wedges was yummy. my appetite went down quite a bit recently. usually i could finish a whole plate of mixed rice (with 3 dishes) in school, but now i can only manage to eat like 1/2 to 3/4 of it. think i should just get 2 dishes from now on. feel kinda bad wasting food. oh well.

my throat is hurting like crazy. i ate 2 sticks of roasted marshmallows coated with chocolates today even though my throat is in such a terrible state. somebody just shoot me. it suddenly occured to me that maybe i needed to get my tonsils removed or something. so i ran up a search the moment i got home, and here's what the website said:

Tonsillitis occurs when tonsils become infected and swell. If you look down your child's throat with a flashlight, the tonsils may be red and swollen or have a white or yellow coating on them. Other symptoms of tonsillitis may include:

-sore throat [check]
-pain or discomfort when swallowing [checked]
-fever [fluctuates between 36.9 and 37.2]
-raspy voice [think so..]
-swollen glands (lymph nodes) in the neck [erm, dont know where's that]

my brother said my throat looked swollen. asked my dad but he said its because of my late nights. hmm, wonder whats wrong with me. maybe its something serious. i hope i need to remove my tonsils. sounds so exciting. heh. gonna see a doctor on monday, cos the one i usually go to wont be open tmw (grreaw) guohao you better come and visit me if i really do get admitted, if not im not going to talk to you ever again. well of course, others who want to visit are welcome too.
*edit: didnt see the doctor cos i was much better on monday. i was just making a fuss la.

oh, completed Secret History this morning at 3AM. it was so exciting i couldnt bring myself to put down the book until i complete it. it rocks, and im going to read it again some time later, after im done with my 3 other books. started on Tuesdays today. tsk, i should be going to bed now.

11:58 PM



slept from 1600 - 2045 just now. not surprising i guess. considering that i slept for 4 hours the night before. been feeling like crap since CNY. i guess the late nights are starting to take a toll on me. but well, not like its gonna keep me from them anyway. hell, my throat hurts like crazy. coughed up some bloody phlegm just now. not much blood, just enough to know that its there. maybe i have TB, and im dying soon. oh wait, its contagious right? stay away from me then.

about 70 over pages to go before i complete The Secret History. its great. intriguing and full of suspense. love it. will start on Tuesdays after im done with TSH. i hope i still have time for my books, considering the upcoming tests and amount of undone projects. stayed back in school till 11PM yday just to complete LMS project. thanks to Ms oh-so-perfect Susan Leung. i totally detest her and my hatred for her runs so deep that no words could ever describe, and note that im not one who hates. the thought of her irritating shrills just makes me so wanna swear. she rejected our draft last Friday (incomplete) and thus our group had only this week to re-do the whole damn thing (a record 32 pages) before we submit the final copy today. there is still OB, OCOM and CIP presentations in 2 weeks' time, and nothing concrete has been done. MIEC test 2 on the 3rd, BSTA on the 11th. final exams are in 5 weeks or so. great. seriously wonder how am i going to find time for everything, but i know somehow, one way or another, that things will eventually fall into place neatly. somehow.

lost my EZ link card on Thursday. i should have known eh? that putting my card and handphone in that side pocket is not safe. that it will fall out one day without me realizing. a replacement is gonna cost me $21. and i need to get a photograph taken. great. SAJC Campus Rumpus later with guohao, wenjia and shirong..hope it will be fun.

"We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, 'Why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way."

12:55 AM



Monday, February 14, 2005
saw this as a friend's MSN nickname:

"we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?"

1:07 AM



Thursday, February 10, 2005
like a butterfly, it only eludes you the closer, and closer you get..

2:03 PM



Wednesday, February 09, 2005
this skin is gorgeous, isnt it?

Borders were having a '3 for 2' promotion, so you pay for the price of 2 books, and get the cheapest one free. so i bought Good Grief by Lolly Winston (new book), The Time Traveler's Wife (pretty recent too) and finally Tuesdays With Morrie. spent $38.80 in total and i guess its quite a bargain. im loving Borders more and more but im still quite confused about how their books are arranged. anyway dont think i'll read those 3 books anytime soon cause im currently only at chapter 4 of The Secret History by Donna Tartt. a darn good book i would say, with plenty of profound usage of words i dont quite understand. it is intriguing and somehow the way the author wrote it makes me want to read on and not give up halfway like i might do with other books. calculated and think i might complete the book in about 14 days or so if i continue to read religiously day and night, in the car, on the way to and back from school etc.



what i write here is a poor reflection of what i am actually going through. maybe because im not expressive or articulate enough, or perhaps certain emotions people actually experience are just impossible to define. was feeling damn fucked up over the weekend. dont know why. might be the common tests..or something i cant quite explain. sometimes i think im just trying too hard. i do what i think might work, when in fact they do not. or perhaps they do, but of course i know they wont last. i wonder why i dont get angry at the sudden outbursts. and when i do, i would end up feeling immense guilt for successfully pissing you off once again. i would blame myself for not being careful with my words, for not being aware of the consequences for saying things that i shouldnt be saying. and even after a few occasions, i would continue doing the exact same things, and history would repeat itself. its almost like a vicious cycle because we do not learn, do we? these days, im getting quite sick of it all. i dont know..tell me how do you start a conversation with somebody you annoyed. cant exactly think of anything wise enough to say. sigh. i guess the above paragraph is my feeble attempt in trying to understand myself a wee bit more.

on a lighter note, happy chinese new year everyone. the only thing im thrilled about, is the money im going to get. yes, i am practical, money-minded, and materialistic, so sue me.

happy 18th, sandee.

1:20 AM



Sunday, February 06, 2005
it's tough being a friend.

12:54 AM



Thursday, February 03, 2005
studied in vain.

Econs was screwed.

just dont let me fail.

1:23 AM



Tuesday, February 01, 2005
$39.80 poorer after buying Jay's Incomparable LIVE CD and David Tao's 太平盛世. okay not exactly since my mum gave me 50 bucks the other day. but well i guess its worth it la. CDs and books are the two things i'll never stop buying. the David Tao album is damn cool. comes with a VCD that says "Contains Some Disturbing Scenes." i havent watched it(no time), but like how disturbing can it get? heh. oh and the Incomparable CD came with this amazingly huge poster of Jay on his piano. should i put it up? but even if i do, i'll have to buy transparent wrapping paper to wrap it first..troublesome leh. hmmm. waiting in anticipation for the Incomparable concert VCD and DVD to be out before i fret over which one to buy. if im feeling rich i might just buy both since both versions are different.(or so i heard)

Stats today was okay, but my answers seem quite different from the rest. im glad i managed to do all questions but i probably made some careless mistakes along the way. just hope i can pass with an above average grade. please let me pass. i studied (very hard) k. =(

should i get i) a handphone, ii) Creative MuVo Slim mp3 player, or iii) both? my mum volunteered(hurhur) to pay part of the handphone cost, but she will always end up paying for the full price one la. heh heh. ehh think i'll get the mp3 player after CNY. Courts is having some promotion and its $209. yay.

sigh im supposed to be sleeping now but im sitting here typing things about my mundane life that wouldnt matter in a month or so; and listening to the LIVE CD. urghs, im drowning in his voice.

4:20 PM



milo + nestum = super thick, super nice.

just discovered a new late night supper. muahahaha. use a small cup and it'll taste even thicker. heh. oh, use those instant 3-in-1 packets k. think it shld taste better. :)

on a side note, i understand Stats!(well, about 1/2 to 3/4 of it) im so proud of myself! cant believe i actually studied during the week and late into the nights. please be proud of me. say you will. =] wish me luck for Stats tmw. and somehow i think deviation is a very cool-looking word. dont know why but it looks profound and cool. hmmm.

lust for blood.


12:09 AM



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